Confessions of a High School senior

wowzahs!

2009-01-21T17:12:00.000-08:00

Wow i completely didn't realize that i titled 2 of my last 3 blogs the same exact thing. I guess I'm not very creative.

its been awhile...

2009-01-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

NOt like nows the time (i just had 2 midterms and still have 3 to go), but I felt like I had to blog. I've done many blog worthy things since my last blog, but my internet has been going on the fritz, lots of school work and yea. I've been stressed out of my mind after clicking away my applications at hmmm 11:59 on January 1st. (what they don't really tell you is that they accept apps after the deadline, one of my supplements was 4 minutes late, I would test it for you to see how late they can be, but hey, I don't want to mess with my future!) Well anyway, from some of my earlier applications I've heard back already. Yay. I'm in two fantastic schools that I would be lucky to attend (though I hope I don't have to because that would mean that I would have gotten into my #1 choice, yay!). In these few days of cramming and reflection for my midterm exams, and also looking back at old friends, I've made a realization, sometimes, you just have to press 'delete.'

Ok so there's this girl, and she and I were kind of friends a long time ago, but I though this gave us history, you know something to reflect on and reminisce. I make it a yearly thing to call her on her birthday which is right around the holidays so its really easy to remember. She then calls me on my birthday only 8 days later. So really, I do the hard part, and she just has to remember to do it a week later. This year, senior year, I figured, yea I should call her, It doesn't matter that we haven't hung out or talked in a while, I'm doing a FUCKING nice thing here! I get the generic answering machine of her cell, leave her a message, and hang up. 8 days later, no call. I guess I'm not surprised, but I was hopeful that she might want to talk about our future plans (in 4th grade we both planned on going to UNC together, i heard through the grapevine that she got into Elon). But whatever. Really. I just kind of want to move on (not that I was really hung up, but anyways) so I went to her facebook page, looked at it, then deleted it. I have one less friend, and now she does too. I don't really think i'm being over dramatic here, but I felt it was just something that had to be done. Obviously she didn't care about whatever friendship we used to have going trick-or-treating every year, I probably should have taken it as a sign when she wanted to go to someone else's house and 'break the tradition'. I also should have figured it when her mom would never let her sleep over at my house. Maybe she told her mom to never let her.

Whatever. If I have it my way, I'll be about 3,000 miles away next year. If I plan to do that I better study.
PEACE OUT
JJ

Get rich quick

2008-11-23T19:17:00.000-08:00

I've been looking all over the internet for ways to make money without working (because I haven't heard back about my applications at two different retail stores, fuck the economy) Everything out there seems like a scam, or like it would take too long for it to reap any benefits. I have 10 college applications to pay for (which ends up being about 100 bucks apiece when you figure in all of the scores that I have to send off as well). It's also the holiday season and I have my big hungry eyes on a winter coat and a guitar. The coat is about 200 bucks and the guitar, if i find it for a deal, is 500. I'm not in debt yet, but I can't imagine the stress of it all if I get into my top school (50,000 easy per year).

If anyone has any tips on how to make money without having a job that isn't some pyramid scheme/scam, I'm all ears.

until next time,
JJ

its been a while

2008-11-20T17:00:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted in about a month. I have been kind of preoccupied, but i don't really remember by what. Well, I have good news, I broke 700 on my Math level 1 and 2 subject tests (yay me!), I raised my ACT composite to a 31 (unless they super score it, then its a 33, I raised my science and math scores by 7 points EACH, but i let my reading score go down by 5, oops). I got a 650 on Chemistry, but I'm about to take that one again to hopefully break 700 on that too (cross your fingers!!). The loose strings of the soccer season were recently tied up, I got the letter that I probably didn't deserve, and I got put on the 'all academic team.' Then I got to hear about how great the team is going to be next year without me, and how their season will be so much tougher, and will yield greater rewards. Great, I knew that, but rubbing it in doesn't feel so great.

I have to finish filling out my college apps. Its hard to do mostly because filling them out is accepting the fact that things are about to change, and by filling them out and sending them in, what your future is going to be is put in the hands of admissions counselors. Will I go east coast or west coast? south or north? local or far away? Its all in their hands.
Oh and I recently saw LB the musical (my favorite movie by the way) and I loved it. Its not quite the same as on broadway (they had a taped version on MTV which I taped and i've watched several times ;p ) but they did what they could as a touring production. The sets were nowhere near as extravagant as on broadway, but that is certainly understandable, because it has to be able to travel. One of the things that I hate about seeing broadway tours is that the theatres that they perform in are so huge that you can barely see the people on the stage (and I sit in the mezzanine, not even the balcony) and its distracting having to squint and try and look harder and not be able to. They had to change a few details around because of sets and logistics but it was a wonderful production nonetheless with several original cast members (yes... I follow things like this). Although I was already going to try out for our school's winter musical, seeing live musical theatre always makes me want to do it even more.

Well this was quite a novel...
until next time,
JJ

2008-10-26T20:57:00.001-07:00

I'm still bitter.

2008-10-16T15:59:00.001-07:00

sometimes when you set your sights on something in the distance, you lose sight of whats right in front of you. "There's always next year" are biting words for a senior.

back in the action... its about time.

2008-10-13T19:04:00.001-07:00

whew, I just played a hefty portion of our playoff game! yay me. I played pretty damn well too if I say so myself. One step at a time... next stop, sectional finals, last stop STATES. I better go study if stanford is going to let me in Early action (cross your fingers for me).

2008-10-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

SATs, Homecoming, practicing (yes I'm starting to practice again... yay, but pain). I should go study... or shower, or both?

It was never meant to last.

2008-09-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

ITs an awful thing when your body can't do what you tell it to, like to run and change direction. I didn't lose my touch, only my speed and agility (apparently you need them when you play soccer). I was supposed to be a leader and carry my team to victory, but now I'm reduced to a cheerleader on the side of the field left reminiscing what it was like when I could play. I'm not even an adult yet, and I feel washed-up. old. decrepit. My comeback was short, so short that if you blinked, you would miss it. and most did. After my short shift I spent the rest of the night sitting on the bench next to my injured comrade. After the game, someone sarcastically congratulated me on warming the bench. "Well I did play, you were just too late to see it,"I said. --"oh, sorry" he replied.

Stupid people.

I was fucking STARTING my freshman year, and now just 3 years later, I can't even play, not because I'm bad at it, just because my body won't allow me to do it at all. If I wasn't a captain I probably would have quit already because it is so difficult to put on a happy face EVERY FUCKING GAME to see exactly what I want to do paraded in front of me. Hah, you can't do this anymore.

I have 1 week before the last games of the season, and probably1 more week after that until playoffs start. I just need to be healed enough to be able to play at 85% and I should be good.

I know you should never do anything only for the credit that others will give you for doing it, but I am long past my dues for playing soccer. I always held a more defensive role which basically means, no stats. People with no stats get no recognition. Finally preseason this year I was put into a spot where I could actually score, and i did, but we all know how that story ends, right back here, on the bench with a bum knee. Fuck my life.

The day... er.. night has come.

2008-09-27T09:44:00.001-07:00

Ok, so tonight is my first game back. luckily I've never before been a one footed player or else playing tonight would be majorly impossible, having to use my slightly less dominant foot. I hope I play well so the rest of the team realizes how much of a loss I was when I couldn't play all season while they were blanking every team they faced. I need to feel needed too instead of the person just warming a spot on the bench so hopefully we can stay undefeated.

Senior pictures.

2008-09-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

Need I say more? I just got mine back. They always try and 'fluff' up your hair before they snap your picture and send you on your way. They fluffed mine too much.

another day, another game to watch

2008-09-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

The season's winding down and still I've only played in 1 game. None of my braces are helping me to play because none of them stop me from moving my knee in a way that makes it hurt. I keep asking for a new and better brace but everyone keeps telling me that no better ones exist. I refuse to believe them.

FRUSTRATION

2008-09-16T17:12:00.000-07:00

well, i got a c+ on my AP test (fun stuff), I guess Stanford doesn't want me now!
but anyway. I got this teacher (not for chem, actually not for any class) who I have officially lost all respect for. He doesn't listen and is only concerned with being right and asserting his authority some way or another, and he must really want for me to hate him for everything that he's been saying (its working). While I want to keep some anonymity here I can't say exactly what happened, but lets just say this guy doesn't listen to logic and common sense. I have never had such an issue with any teachers at this school before. Its not your way or the highway. I believe in progressive education where students are prepared to question things and learn exactly why things are in place instead of being docile followers because progressivism stresses that students be prepared to perform their role in a democratic society well. He said he wasn't a dictator, but I think that that is exactly what he is.

I also believe that teachers are supposed to be model citizens that show students how to succeed academically and in life, and how to be a good person. I have had many great teachers, but this guy doesn't cut it. When schools hire teachers they have a great responsibility. I don't want to be a teacher because I don't think that I could step up to the plate of such an important role in society, so it pisses me off when scrubs think that they can, and schools end up hiring them.

2008-09-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

Well I'm off crutches and walking around. I think I did really badly on another AP chem test... I really need to boost that grade. I did alright on my AP AB calc test, but I'm still bumming. My soccer team is doing really well (that's not why I'm bumming), but I haven't been able to contribute anything all season. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to it soon because my other teammates are getting injured as well. We need to keep it up to get seeded high in our district so we can make it to the district finals before meeting last year's state champions. They're not impossible to beat this year either, We just beat a team 1-0 that they beat 1-0, so despite the fact that they blew us out 8-0 last year, we're pretty even now. I have some studying to do and some papers to write, so I should go...

thanks for reading,
JJ

2 more weeks

2008-09-11T18:10:00.001-07:00

2 more weeks and my season is basically over. I just really want to play. fuck this.

2008-09-08T16:51:00.000-07:00

If my MRI is clean, then why does my knee hurt so much (and I'm not a wuss with pain, I realize when its the pain that you ABSOLUTELY don't want to have in your knee). I just watched another varsity game from the bench. I need to play. But I need a brace. and I need to go to the doctor again before I can order my brace which will take at least a week to come in. Thats at least 3 more games sitting out. but if we can beat last year's state champion (who is in our district and knocked us out last year 8-1), then it won't matter the games that I sit out now.

Ugh more homework. first math test, first paper draft, first chem lab due... I've got a lot of work to do.

2008-09-07T19:48:00.000-07:00

its official. I can't work on my homework cuz I'm distracted, like always... senioritis is the diagnosis.

Oh, but some maybe good news. My MRI didn't seem as bad as the physical exam made it seem to be. Hopefully I can just slap on a brace and call it healed, I won't know until wednesday. You only get one senior season, and this one, we're taking it all. So far we're undefeated and unscored upon. I can't say that I completely contributed to that though, I only played about7 mins, but I'm going to make a comeback, and I refuse to come out of it without a state championship.

On crutches, but determined,

JJ

venting.

2008-09-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

Don't talk to me like you're better than me. If you judge me because I eat an energy bar before a game that I can't play in maybe you should consider the fact that all I had for lunch before that was a couple tablespoons of soup and a healthy smoothie that I drank on the way rushing to get to the bus to a far away field to promote a team that I can't contribute to, which every day just makes me want to cry. Just because you run marathons and you don't eat energy bars with 200 calories in them doesn't mean you have to judge anyone who does. Its a convenient way to eat lunch on the go. And you, someone who works at an institution that wants to promote character and a close-knit community without judging people before you understand them, should maybe take a bite of what you're dishing out. Believe me, you'll lose your appetite, however petite you want to make us believe it is.

...It's not nothing.

2008-09-06T06:07:00.000-07:00

Grade 2 MCL tear. Damn it. Well when I first heard that, I thought that the grading scale was out of 4, 4 being the worst, but actually, its only out of 3. Ok so for 4-6 weeks I'm confined to the depressing reality of watching soccer games and practices when all I really want to do is play in them. If that alone was it, I wouldn't feel as bad as I do, but thinking about it this morning, I realized that I probably won't get my varsity letter because playing 5 minutes of regulation total for the regular season probably doesn't warrant one. I'll probably be the only varsity captain ever that hasn't gotten a varsity letter, how sad would that be? But if I get back in a month, I should be able to make maybe the last couple games of the season, plus playoffs. If we end up winning states this year (we actually have somewhat of a chance) then it wouldn't matter to me all of the games that I missed, but it would definitely piss me off if i didn't get a letter. If it was up to the coach, I probably wouldn't because apparently in europe people play through torn ligaments.

On Crutches and in pain,
JJ

F*** knees.

2008-09-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

Ok. So being injured for a couple preseason games, then the first regulation game of the season for our varsity soccer team was hard, but whats harder now is that when I went in for maybe about 7 mins to get back into the swing of things, a girl and I both kicked the ball at the same time and I thought I was strong enough to not come out of it injured, but apparently not so. Its not so much that it hurt, but after the fact, my knee felt really unstable to me. Instant reaction of the trainer, MCL strain. Not too bad except for I partially tore my ACL in the past and this injury hurt so much more when I had to walk back to our bus and then drive home from school. Cross your fingers that I'm overreacting to a minor injury (usually never the case, but never bad to hope!). I kind of saw an omen before I left for school this morning... My ACL knee brace had fallen out of my closet almost saying, "WEAR MEEEEEE!" We still won 5-0, but I didn't really help although they did announce that I scored a goal only because they got my number confused with another girl on my team.

Maybe If I keep believing that its nothing it might actually be nothing... its nothing, its nothing, its nothing.....

TGIF...

2008-08-29T17:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so its friday and the final day of this stressful week. I found out that I got a C+ on my first AP chem test that was the 2nd day of school (NOOOOOOOOOOO! Damn I need to get back in the swing of things, because Chemistry is Chem Is Try), I read an entire book yesterday for summer reading for a class that i'm not taking but stupidly enough I'm required to read and write a paper for anyway... so in the past 3 days, I've slept for 11 hours... total... and i feel pretty tired. And pissed off. Our soccer team, who had a great preseason are coming down from our preseason high and half of our starters are injured (or coming back from injury... including myself), the underclassmen are frustrated because our coach yells and they can't handle it (it does take some getting used to, but c'mon!), and we're all just totally stressed out about school having started already. Its my senior season and we actually have a shot at going to states this year if we get our shit together and work at it, but at this rate, we'll just be the same average team that doesn't work hard enough. We have potential... but thats it. To be great we have to act on it.

first day of school...

2008-08-27T16:23:00.000-07:00

ok so I got 4 hours of sleep because I was working on my Chem and math homework. I have so much work tonight so I can't write much. Psych paper is due, chem test, math homework, english summer reading questions... o gosh, another long, long night...I can't afford to suffer from senioritis this year...

Ok, so now I'm freaking out...

2008-08-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, day before school starts and I have a 5-7 pg paper to write, 30 chemistry problems, 5 pages of math, half of an english book to read, an entire history book to read, and 2 essay questions. My summer senioritis is probably going to cause me to pull a full nighter on the first day of school. Pathetic huh? This is what I get when I sign up for psychology honors, AP chem, and AP calc. I should really get going on my psych paper though, nothing down, 5 pages to go...

see ya,
JJ

AHHH

2008-08-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

Let me just say how much I hate, hate, hate, college essays. They are such generic questions that they want you to take in a different way than all of the millions of students that have written them before!! I just hate trying to write it and trying to be unique. I'm just afraid that my answers to such generic questions will be um... generic. Even the 'topic of your choice one' seems to be easy to sound like the rest of the crowd. Well, anyway...bye for now!

trying to find her own unique voice on prosaic* questions,

JJ

*SAT word!!! it means overused, dull, not original

Senior year here I come!!!

2008-08-22T20:07:00.000-07:00

School starts in just a handful of days so I don't really know why I'm creating this blog when I have so much summer reading to do ;)

but here is a little bit about me:
I am a varsity soccer captain
Honor roll
math club treasurer (even though there really isn't any money... they just felt bad and wanted to give the only girl a title)
and I have quite the schedule coming this year with 2 APs and an Honors.

But enough about those boring facts... you're not admitting me into college (unless you are... then I can give you my whole resume'!)

but this time in my life is just scary. Going into your last year of high school, getting ready to make the next big choices of your life. What college, what you want to major in... I'm so clueless.
I'm going to be busy this year, but hopefully in between writing papers, playing soccer, and studying for the SATs and ACTs, I'll be able to post what's on my mind for you guys whether its about school or whatever.

Thanks for reading and come back soon!